Have you ever thought a potential client really liked you…
…and then they just disappeared?
Despite trying to win the “most likable coach on the planet” award…
…it didn’t stop clients from “ghosting” me.
I felt like clients were lying to me.
If they didn’t want me to coach them, why didn’t they just say so?
But after years of suffering through more and more of this, I learned…
…It’s NOT enough to be liked.
Most coach training dwells on getting clients to ‘like you’.
For example, a well known training teaches you to say “There seems to be
…instead of “Why are you afraid?”, to avoid your client disliking your tone.
But all that ‘please like me’ hand wringing doesn’t help coaches much.
You can be liked and STILL be dismissed or ignored.
Clients liking you doesn’t mean that they have ESTEEM for you.
Clients liking you doesn’t mean that they have ESTEEM for you.”
Personal growth centers around “self-esteem”…
…important for sure…
…but that’s not the kind of esteem I’m talking about.
I’m talking about your potential client holding YOU in high esteem…
…respecting, admiring, and ‘looking up’ to you.
But why does your potential client having esteem for you matter?
ESTEEM can make the difference in enrolling a potential
Potential clients who LIKE YOU might ask you “as a friend” for FREE advice…
…but they don’t become PAYING clients.
Potential clients become paying clients when they have ESTEEM for
Would you rather be the “friend” who everyone LIKES, but nobody PAYS…?
…or the esteemed coach, whose client’s PAY to hear your coaching?
The last time I wrote to you I revealed 5 tests that clients use on coaches
Most clients do test you from time to time…
…but clients with ESTEEM for you will “test you” less often.
How do you cause your coaching clients to hold you in
You’ve got to signal success BEFORE you meet potential clients.
Potential clients make decisions about you with their eyes and ears
If you signal “success”, then they will start off thinking you’re worthy of
No, this doesn’t mean to go out and rent a lamborghini and have a
You can trigger esteem from potential clients in much more subtle ways.
Here are 7 ‘esteem triggers’ to use BEFORE you engage potential
1. Find a “role model”
My coach assigned me to watch all the James Bond movies so I could model
the confidence that character has.
No matter what happens to James Bond…
…he’s going to find a way to reach his goal.
After my ‘bond binge’, my coach told me that my voice got deeper and my
The Dean of Master Coach University, Jeffrey Sooey, used to match the
tempo and tone of charismatic speakers like Jim Rohn and Martin Luther
He told me about hours he spent practicing scenes to match a charismatic
actor’s portrayal like Tom Cruise in some of his iconic movie scenes.
Another example: One of my clients put a photo of Linda Hamilton (from the
movie “Terminator”) in her office to remind her to be strong and assertive.
One way to model someone is to ask yourself this question when you start
“How would [the person you model] approach today?”
Then go through your day with that state of mind.
2. Be humble:
You’re not a “perfect” coach and neither is any other coach.
You’re not a “perfect” coach and neither is any other coach.”
If you’re not humble, you can’t coach.
Because your job as the coach is to face down the ‘black box’ and uncertainty
of your client’s deepest limitations and issues…
…and come out delivering transformation and empowerment.
That’s humbling work!
It’s uncomfortable and confusing.
And there’s no ‘right answer’.
Arrogant coaches tend to isolate themselves and criticize others…
…because they’re searching for perfection.
They haven’t developed enough humility to let go of being “right”, or look good
all the time.
Righteousness stops too many coaches from helping clients because
they’re afraid to make a mistake or look bad to the client.
As a result of this fear, arrogant coaches sit alone daydreaming about being
…instead of coaching clients.
Humble coaches risk criticism and mistakes…
…so they can change the lives of their clients.
If you’re not humble, you’ll reject all that discomfort and uncertainty…
…which makes it impossible to change your client’s life.
The discomfort of coaching is a test…
…and only the humble coach can pass it.
You don’t have to be right all the time.
You don’t have to know all the answers.
You WILL make mistakes…
…that’s how we LEARN the answers.
When you’re playing a “big game” as a coach…
…you WILL be criticized.
…you WILL be wrong.
…and you WON’T always look good.
That’s ok, as long as you’re leading your clients forward.
You’ll powerfully bring your client to their destination if you humbly accept
Humility allows you to make mistakes…
…learn from them…
…and become a better coach.
Humility allows you to make mistakes…learn from them…and become a better coach.”
3. Take care of your health and appearance.
I struggled for years with carrying a few extra pounds.
But recently I got serious about my health and appearance.
As a result:
- I lost 50 lbs
- I hired a fashion consultant to upgrade my wardrobe.
I immediately noticed people treating me better!
If you don’t appear to take care of yourself, your clients won’t hold you in
So take care of your image when presenting yourself to clients.
Set up a “self care” daily routine and FOLLOW IT.
Your clients will have more esteem for you.
IN GROOMING / WARDROBE:
You don’t need expensive clothes but get clothes that fit you well.
It’s better to wear inexpensive clothing tailored to FIT you…
…than to wear expensive clothing that does NOT fit you.
Highlight your ‘visible assets’ to be more appealing to potential clients.
If you’ve got it, ROCK it (tastefully).
- If you are tall, accentuate your height.
- If you’re fit, dress in a way that highlights your physique.
- If you have a great smile and dimples everyone comments on, SMILE every opportunity that you can.
- If you’re very smart, maybe wear glasses to accentuate that image.
VIDEO CONFERENCE BACKDROP:
Lots of coaches are using video conferencing for coaching sessions.
What your clients see in those video conferences impacts your image.
I see too many coaches over zoom:
- with a mess behind them.
- with blurry backgrounds.
- sitting in dark rooms (or in bad ‘silhouette’ lighting).
If your office IS a mess… I recommend using “green screen” paper or a
curtain behind you to eliminate this potential problem.
IMAGE TO CLIENT FIT:
Be sure to groom yourself for the kind of clients you’ll be coaching.
- If you coach executives, dress in a business suit.
- If you’re coaching entrepreneurs, you might use more relaxed clothing.
- If you’re coaching athletes, you could wear fitness attire.
When in doubt about what to wear, dress more formally.
If you don’t dress or groom yourself in a dignified way, potential clients may
think that you don’t take your coaching seriously.
Bottom line: Make sure that your dress, grooming and video conference
background reflects well on your message, rather than distracting from it.
4. Don’t brag. Let other people praise you.
One ‘humble’ way to promote yourself is to let other people praise you.
Get as many client testimonials as possible, and never stop finding more.
Testimonial harvesting should be an ongoing part of your coach
Another way to let other people praise you?
Get endorsements from respected partners and affiliates.
Get endorsements from partners who your potential client already holds in
That partner’s endorsement passes that already existing esteem over to YOU.
Share your past struggles in your area of expertise IF:
- the struggles are common for your potential clients.
- the struggles are accompanied by you eventually mastering this area.
Prospective clients want to feel like you can relate to their struggle.
Beyond that, they’ll have tons of esteem for you…
…when they see that you’ve overcome something they’re still struggling with.
Because they know you’ve got something special (knowledge, strength, experience, etc.) that THEY don’t yet have.
- Make videos
- Write blogs
- Give webinars
- Give speeches in front of groups, etc
Anything you do that involves public speaking will trigger esteem toward you.
When you share your thoughts publicly, potential clients can sample YOUR insights.
Public thought-leadership positions you as an expert in your coaching subject.
It’s as if you have some kind of “magic pixie dust” that potential clients want to have.
Because most people are scared to death to speak out publicly or make content…
…for fear of being criticized.
Share your insights and knowledge on the subject you coach.
Give potential clients the opportunity to sample your insights…
…then connect with them and offer them a Discovery Session with you.
Following these 7 strategies will trigger esteem in your potential clients BEFORE you even meet them.
Coaching clients will treat you differently, right from the start.
Coaching enrollments get easier.
Introductions to new prospective clients will be much more comfortable (for both of you).
And your new clients will love working with you EVEN MORE.
Next time, I’ll cover how to increase this esteem for you AFTER you meet potential clients.
Kris “Esteemed Coach” Thompson